accomplished twins. life is a go
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
