This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
