i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
