walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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