Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
