shes about as inviting as chlamydia
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
