im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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