the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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