I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
