I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have peed in a lot of sinks
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
