Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize