i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
