you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
whose ass print is on the piano?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
