I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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