just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
