Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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