Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
