On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
