what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
