I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
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the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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