I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
