i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
