Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Shame - the story of my life.
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