Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
