2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
