We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
