Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
