I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
