they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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