I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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