smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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