Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I want is dick and wine.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
