So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
