You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
