dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He has the fingertips of a God
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