I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
