I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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