AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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