I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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