just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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