Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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