I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
