I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
