Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
