Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
