I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
