STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
