K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
