spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
