If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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