I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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