no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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