so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
