But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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