dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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