Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I supernannyed him into submission
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
