Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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