Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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