"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
