I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
