if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
