After last night, I could never be a politician.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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