From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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