FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
